How to Determine the Meaning of your name

It’s in the little known play by a fella named William Shakespeare called “Romeo and Juliet” in which Juliet asks, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

In an episode of the situation comedy “Three’s Company,” Jack is given an opportunity to date a woman named “Bertha” sight unseen. Just hearing the name disgusts him. So, of course, he declines. Then, when he finally meets ole Bertha, she is freaking hot, and Jack is kicking himself for being so hasty in his rejection.

Not that Shakespeare or Jack Tripper or Shirley Ellis have anything in common. My point is that you can go to many Web sites, such as “Behind the Name” or “What’s in a Name,” and learn what your name means. As long as have a normal name. For example, I can go onto behindthename.com and learn that by name (“Michael,” nice to meet you) means “Who is like God?” To clarify, per the question mark, this isn’t to say that anyone named “Michael” is like God, or that I go around asking people, “Who is like God?” It is a rhetorical question implying that no human is like God. Saint Michael is also an archangel in the Bible, and there were nine Byzantine emperors named Michael. And the rest is history. So go on these sites and find out what your name means.

Now, because we are a celebrity culture, many people may be more concerned about what celebs have a given name than what the Hebrew translation might be. For example, is the name “Connor” a tribute, or is it scary, because that was not only the name of Eric Clapton’s son who fell out of a building to his death, but Scott and Lacey Peterson’s unborn son? I used to work with a man named Scott Peterson. Boy, was his life perfect until Christmas 2002!

I happen to be very happy that my last name isn’t terribly popular. My first name? Hey, I share it with funny gentlemen like Mike Myers and Michael J. Nelson; musical treasures such as Michael McDonald, Michael Bolton, Michael Buble and Mike and the Mechanics; and other talents like Michael J. Fox, Michael Jordan, and Mike Nichols. There are others of questionable glory, of course, such as Michael Vick, Michael Jackson, and Mike Tyson. Plus, depending on your political affiliation, there’s Michael Moore, and there’s Michael Savage. And, at the very bottom of the barrel, are serial killers Michael Ross, Michael Lupo, Michael Bear Carson, and Michael Swango.

But, most important is the delightful song, “Michael Michael Motorcycle.” You can finish that one yourself.

So, what I’m saying is, use the Internet, you silly goose. You can find anything there.