Parents must understand defiant children are against anything that takes their leadership away from them. Homework, essentially is theirs and when parents take over command of it, it makes it into another hateful thing. The defiant child wants to be the boss of his own homework, as well as other activities.
Therefore you get defiant children to do their homework assignments only if they want to do them. However there are reasons and before you fight with your child or get into overheated discussions, try to get at the reasons. Is he by nature a procrastinator? If so, you may have to let him work through this problem by allowing him to go to school without his homework a few times.
Remember you are the mother and not the teacher and your role is to gently enforce, not demand homework assignments. If there are no learning disabilities and this is normal behavior, then a few times of facing a class room unprepared for the days lessons will turn around procrastinators. Peer values are great at this time.
Personal reasons cause many children to balk at homework. The work is over their heads and they cannot keep up; their emotional age lags behind their chronological age; they have learning disabilities that need special attention; problems at home are disrupting their ability to focus on their homework. Assessing all facets of the child’s behavior will show you where the problem is as you quietly seek solutions to the problem. I say quietly because, you as a parent will not make an issue out of this slight barrier to education.
Children grow at different rates. While being absolutely normal one child may be eight years old chronologically, but six or seven emotionally. Deciding whether to work with them at the level is something that will require a decision you and their teacher will have to decide together. If their IQ level is par with the general age group then time will take care of this and your job will be to help them develop assurance and control.
A place of quiet where a child can concentrate on work and not be continually disrupted by fighting parents and interfering younger siblings is necessary. Decide on the place and the time homework is to be done and keep this consistent. A dining room table may be the ideal spot for a lone child to do homework or even for several children if they know to keep to their work and not disturb the others. It’s all in what works. It all depends on how well they focus.
Generally, the less fuss made about homework the better the results will be. Talk to the teacher, to mothers of children who have worked through similar problems, and be positive and in control of your own emotions. From the start let the child know that as far as you are concerned, he is in school now and the problem of homework is basically between them and the teacher. You are only involved because they have asked for your help. Do not allow, and I repeat, do not allow, them to pull you into a controversial role involving them and the teacher.
This is an important step in severing whatever emotional satisfaction they derive from having mom or dad on their sides. Parenting is different from teaching. Teachers promote the child in their struggling roles to gradually develop their own lives apart from their parents; parents love their children enough to allow this to take place.
Therefore, balking at doing homework may be nothing more than playing parent against teacher. Your job as a parent is in seeing it for what it is and in not getting involved. If this method does not work and your child continues ignores homework, then you must seek help from teachers and counselors.